What hurts the most

Why must you part two souls? Why must you play such an important role in people’s lives? Why must you bring such blissful joy and painful sorrow to those who have experienced your wonderfulness? I thought we were meant to be. I thought he would be my first and last, that we would be together until one of us drops dead. He would be the person I grow old with. He would be the person who makes me feel whole. Make me want to change to be a better person. He would be the reason why I wake up with a smile each morning. He would make me have a bajillion butterflies inside me that would not die even with just the thought of him. Make me want to give my best in everything I do…

I thought we were right together.

but…

T_________________________T

Curses.

It just had to happen. I am maimed. It’s hard to deal with pain of losing him but I am learning. Learning to let him go. Bit by bit. Try and erase the thought of including him in everything. Plans, hopes and future.

My feelings towards him grew stronger each time I realized that I might lose him one day. That feeling of knowing that he will never be by my side is…ineffable.

Perhaps one day you will lead us back together.

Or perhaps never.

I have to learn the hard way of growing up.

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, It might have been.

- John Greenleaf Whittier

*I think Rascal Flatt's What hurts the most is a suitable song for this entry.

I look forward to that day where I will look back and smile at this entry.

Don't mess with my room

My room is a mess!

They are things on the floor, desk, t.v, chair, bed, mirror...

I can't stand it! Don't ask me to sit. lol

But don’t pretend you’re surprised. Lol.

Lumut Lunting

Just got back from Lumut. I drove back all alone and it wasn't that bad. Lol. I never even thought it would be. In fact, I was excited!!! There's music and also the NFS. Heeee.

My bra should be on board now and I think they will leave for Japan in a few minutes. He'll be back after 2 weeks.

Have a good trip!! *Gasp! Whoa Japan babeh!

*update*

Apparently bra is still here. They will be leaving after 2 days.

A day at the seaside

So I was at the beach last weekend. Muara Beach to be exact. This would be the 2nd time since I set foot on it since Form 3 reunion. Whoaaa! That's like.. 1...2...3...no! 6 years ago!



Weather looking good at noon.

It has got to be one of the best weekends ever! Imo. lol. Even though not many turned up, I still think it was awesome. Imo remember? I have not seen Kwong Ya since I left middle high. I almost thought he was someone else cos he was wearing ray bands. Abby and I were catching up talking about whos where doing what in where while waiting for Win and the rest (they were hunting for bbq stands) when he approached our hut. I looked at him and asked you are? He smiled and paused and said his name and whoa. Knock out! Lol. Ok I'm exaggerating. Well he definitely looks different from his FB. And different in this case is good. Haven't seen Win for ages too! And now hes all grown up! T_____________T I mean he was my lab partner back then and I remembered him as a little boy who helps little me with experiments and copied each other's work...and....and now? Whoaa!! Its as if I watched him grew into a man. In snap shots of course >.< *Being nostalgic here* And he has a good different too. Same goes to Vince. And everyone else for that matter.

Sorry off topic. Right! They found the bbq stand and we had to walk for km’s to reach there. Haha. So the guys started the charcoal. It looked pentagonish with a hole in the middle and it’s a high quality charcoal. My arse. Those poor guys had trouble starting the flame (over an hour!!) and fire starter sucked. Yes they are capable scouts. It was the high quality charcoal's fault ok! They even used rolled newspaper in an attempt to spread the flame. Totally did not follow the instructions on the high quality charcoal box. Lol!

Let there be fire!

Our 1 and only lighter from Win went dead on us too. Lol. Deline had to get a more reliable charcoal and fire starter – Cock brand and it can’t go wrong!! Trust me!! Less than 20 minutes after adding the trusty, reliable and REAL quality charcoal and Cock brand fire starter, everything looks good!

So the plan was bbq at 3pm in Muara beach. We ended up eating around 5. And what’s worse was that it began to rain. Mizzling at first. Then just droplets. Then it poured!! Accompanied by streaks of light across the sky. Duhh lightning of course.

Deline managed to take 1 short video and I took about 5 shots worth of beach pics using her cam, which means I wasn’t in any of it =_________= so much for hard copy memories.

Catch!!

Ummpphh xD




The weather looked like this at sun-set before it....

...decided to rain on us a few minutes later. If only God sent the rain after 30 minutes.


Thank goodness Frank brought his umber-ella-ela-ela-eh-eh-eh. A few hours ago I was just making fun of him being a puteri lilin*. lolz!

*In Malay, Puteri(princess) lilin (candle) : The flame makes candle melt. So it is used to refer to someone who is afraid of hot places/sun.


We headed to Deline’s house. Past 5 episodes of Heroes (or was it 4?) and ice-cream eating, booze came in. After 4 rounds of drinking game, we started singstar-ing. I was hoping that after singing, we would resume to drinking. But naw. Vince was already semi-drunk after he got the 4^th king (thank goodness cos I was before him!!) and he had to drink this weird concoction of JD, Level and.. I can’t remember. Sidney came and later went to the airport ;) Haha. (Gosh it’s been ages since I saw him too!-Good different) We started chilling.

Are you in that level?

The color looks pretty! Wonder if they have it in pink ;)

It was during that time where people started getting the last kick out of the drinks and got mellow. The guys were pretty much wasted/sleepy cos of the almost impossible mission in starting the charcoal and also the drinks. Lol. Me and deline on the other hand were very awake!! I even gave myself a second helping of an orange flavoured Japanese Cocktail Partner while watching himym.

I already decided to stay over since Frankie was already sound asleep but Seng offered to send me back. So by the time I reached home, it was…let’s just say it was super early. Haha. I woke up just in time to get ready and catch an afternoon show. I had a tough time hunting a pair of jeans and a matching heel for my dress. Cousin’s wedding is in Sept. and I need to find one before resolving to last minute shopping. Lol. At least I am eyeing on a pair of jeans now and will get it after showing sis. Hehe she knows whats best for me! =p

Towards the end, I ended up buying 2 bras. Can’t help it ok! And it was on SALE! Yes, sometimes when a girl has something to buy, she will end up buying something irrelevant to what she had in mind earlier on lor. (But puhleeze guys do not overgeneralize.) So early shopping is not advisable. Lol. On a second thought, maybe it’s not all irrelevant or bad. You walk around = exercise. Can lose weight and also firm your booty. Not wasted right? And bras are after all part of looking good in a dress. Remember, we're talking about killer booty here! And if you look good, you feel confident = Happy!!! When you are happy, you do good stuffs and that all good right? Its an amazing cycle. Lol. Speaking of lingerie, my order from the US should be arriving this week. Wheeeeee!!! I’m excited!!! I hope it fits me. I wonder if the sizes in VS and Triumph are similar?? I assume they are. Erk.

Report

At approximately 12.31am, a lizard was murdered. YeesSS! REVENGE!! I was happily chatting, minding my own business when there was a sudden movement on the sofa (in front of me) to my right. My first reaction was to ignore it cos who knows my eyes are playing tricks on me. I mean at this hour?! lol. A few minutes later, the same movement caught my eyes...and this time its no mistake..


I saw it. It was on the sofa. My defence mechanism was to grab whatever was closest to me and hit it!


So I did.


WHACK!

And another few rounds of whacking…(lol ok I am exaggerating, just 4 HARD whacks)

*the tail remained on the sofa’s sheet but its body flew to the table…

If you look closely, you can actually see the skin coming off!

...and what amazing strength I possess!

ROARRR!! You deserve it for pooping all over the house, on my lappy’s touchpad! and also making effing annoying chik chik chik chik all the time (and at the wrong time some more) Gun told me once that they're actually fucking hence the sound. lol!

And NO! Don't give me that "I ated flies and moqueestows and...and.."

Lizard: Pleaseeeee don't kill me. I promise I won't...

So..THERE!!

As you can see this post is way way way past the ETD - Estimated time of death - of the lizard right? Well its coz it ain't dead yet! Bro came down and he saw the lizard on the table and asked if it was real. I told him its fake. He wanted to touch it but quickly withdraw when he saw that THING move!! My whacks, apparently cannot match the thickness of the lizard's skin. Mind you, this lizard is the...translucent kind (there are many types - will get back to that) where you can almost see through its skin!! Lol!! So my natural reflex was to grab the rolled paper (I was holding the mouse) and give it an additional 3 HARD whacks.


Done!


I can sleep in peace now knowing that at least 1 out of.. a few hundredsss of them is down.

A bit of today

Ok, so I lied. I didn’t just put him on hiatus for 5 days. It’s been more than 1 blardy week now T______________T When will I have the time for you? When will I have the time for anything?! I’ve been going out every day since last Monday. Im friggin pooped and let’s face it. I may never get to touch him again =( Ever! Or not!! Oh gosh but can you imagine? I mean just the thought of it makes me…well let’s just not have suicidal thoughts!!lol.

Celebrated two of my close cousins’ birthday last Saturday. I have decided not to inebriate myself. Managed to stealth myway to the living room and later to the bedroom, unnoticed, from the usual group after dinner. I suffer from a very serious condition called the Occasion Syndrome or O.S in short. Will get back to that. Ended up chatting and was in a slumber for a good 11 hours =)~~ before heading to Gramms the following noon.

So I started reading Twilight. Finally! I got it as a present from Puff during Christmas last year. It took me this long to start reading it. lol. It was in mint condition and i did not have the heart to un-minticize it. lol. So far it’s up to my expectation and sooner or later I’m gonna order New Moon and…well basically the whole Twilight Saga. Sis has read the former in a grand total of 6 times. And counting. I’m not sure about the rest. I certainly can’t beat that. I have also finished watching How I met your mother season 1! Wooh! I know I’m slow. I am actually taking my time watching and every episode is legen…wait for it…wait for it...DARY!!!

Bird's nest

I know birds build their nests on roof tops...



trees...



soups...

Bird's nest soup geddit?

or anywhere high but...

...here?




Just in front of DELAL

Bird 1: *Chirps happily while building its nest*
Bird 2: *looks at bird 1* Whats his problem?


I think those areas there are safe, otherwise why would some crazyass birds build a nest knowing that that area is dangerous right?

There is a big leafy plant right in front of the main door of my house and apparently 2 love birds have built a nest there. For the past 3 weeks, especially during noons, you can witness 2 hardworking birds flying to and fro that area carrying long dried strands of grass in their beaks. At first I thought I was seeing things cos my eyes felt as if she saw something small and black flew by. You know like those moments you thought you felt something/someone watching you from the corner of your eyes but when you look in that direction, you see nothing? Yeah that kinda feeling. I wonder.

I am not exactly the superstitious kinda person but can anyone tell me what does it mean to have birds making a nest next to the main door of your house?

Another sleepless night

I’m still in the middle of downloading episode 6 of 絶対彼氏(zettai kareshi) Connection has been really sucky these days. Sadly I have decided to put a hiatus on him for 5 days before resuming. Latency sucks anyways. I miss playing already =(

I was reading Me & Mr.Darcy. A predictable ending but nevertheless its good if you want a reality check on your own love life. Like me. Sorry but I am a sucker for book-romance characters, thanks to Jude Deveraux's Montgomery men! And sorry Twilight, you’ll have to wait. I’ll be doing extra tutoring from this month onwards as Jack needs the tutor back. I promise I'll get back to you before semester starts!

2 days ago my lower half was aching like hell! Went to Tasik with cuzzies last Saturday to hike for a few rounds. I can feel my butt cheeks and thighs of steel firming up! =D The first day was so bad I had trouble sleeping. Pusing sini also not, pusing sana also not. Very the fan ah! Good thing the pain subsided. Again, this morning I had trouble sleeping. This time its not from the pain in my arse. I had coffee (bad move!) before watching Get Smart. I think my body adapted herself to no caffeine after the exams. After class me and Ming hopped to qlap to catch a movie. It was between Wanted and Get Smart as I have watched all the movies showing, except Wanted and Ming haven't watch the latter. Since I have watched it, I gave in. After that we met up with Ching for dinner and holy bejesus! Its been ages since I LOLed! Literally! The topic of conversation gradually moved to apparitions (thanks to my curiosity) and after I went home from a bit of socializing with Ching's circle (give me credit ok, I am learning), I thought I was tired and sleepy. Pfft. I went to bed after chatting with Jiggly and guess what? Tossed and turned till dawn! =_____________= in between so called sleeps, I don’t know if it was just me, but I heard someone or something playing/singing a particular song and I think it came from outside my window, just at the back of where my head is resting +__________________+ I even held my breath for a moment, just to make sure I wasnt ear-hallucinating. It was damn real ok! and the tune was repetitive. Why must these things happen to me?! Why? I wanted to check it out but the chicken little in me said no. What if you see some headless thing or a land siren that looks like a naga witch and then you get posessed? Maybe its just the caffeine side effect playing tricks on your ears. Besides, you need the blardy specs if you wanna see clearly. Wanted to wake sis up but scratched that idea and forced myself to close my eyes and think about waves and waterfall. Yes. It works in most cases of cannot-sleepness nights. But not this time. In between closing eyes, I have a feeling that something is watching me. I opened my eyes. Nothing. Ugh. Why must I anticipate and expect something to pop up in front of me. I am an innate scaredy cat! AAhhhh! Amazing, with less than an hour of beauty sleep, I still manage to wake up not feeling tired. Whats wrong with me? Ahm. Right, got tutoring to do tonight! Might be watching a late movie with Rid and gang laters!

Speaking of laters, its somebody’s birthday tomorrow~!

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Buon Compleanno! Haha. Too bad you are not here, not that it will make a difference really, as I doubt I will be there with you guys singing/screaming/shouting "Happy birthday to you!" when the clock strikes 12.

But still. Hope you have a happy Happy Birthday! =)

=p